JANUARY 3, 2023
I have not made any new year’s resolutions because it just sets me up for failure most of the time. Sadly, I have no discipline when it comes to keeping promises that require a lot of work. So, I have no excuse to offer for my bad behavior over these last several months. I will accept it and I will own it. 😆
Let me explain. There is an individual in my Catholic organization who has gotten on my worse side. I belong to the Knights of Peter Claver, Ladies Auxiliary Court #189 affiliated with my church. Several years ago, I was nominated Membership Chairperson and my Committee put on a Membership Tea to attract new ladies from our church and neighboring churches within a 3-mile radius. This individual belongs to another church but joined our organization. She has been operating as an outsider ever since. She comes to meetings but never turns out on special occasions, ever. It is a requirement to turnout in our uniforms at least twice a year: once on Low Sunday and once on Claver Day. The uniform consists of an all-white suit or dress, with fez and sash. The fez is white and hugs the head with a tassle hanging from the top with the court’s logo across the front. White shoes (heels) and flesh-colored stockings complete the ensemble.
The Catholic Church used to have what is called low sunday mass and High Sunday Mass. With low sunday usually the mass was informal with no choir and barely any music. High Sunday had the choir and music. Everything was formal. I never understood it so please don’t ask me to explain further. 🙄 Claver Day celebrates St. Peter Claver whose name was taken by the Organization because of the thousands of slaves he baptized into the Catholic faith. There are many Councils (knights) and Courts (ladies) across the country. The National Knights of Peter Claver is based in Louisiana and all By-laws, rules and regulations come from there.
Once a year we sell raffle tickets to fund a scholarship program that gives awards to our junior knights and junior daughters who achieve academic excellence. This is a mandate from National and every council and court must sell these tickets. This individual decides to say to me that she feels that we are doing something illegal, and it needs to be reported. I was flabbergasted that she would say something like that to my face. I handled the finances, so she was accusing me of wrongdoing. I was beside myself with rage and told her in no uncertain terms that she needs to apologize to me and to our court. Of course, she didn’t. I shared this incident with two officers of our Board.
She comes to the meetings looking for something … a gotcha moment. She doesn’t vote on amendments even if we barely have a quorum which has been happening since the pandemic. She never turns out to support members who have passed on and their families. Never! She has never been called out for her lack of participation.
I say all this to say, she lost her son this week and it was two or three days before any of us found out. I think she knew better than to call us because she knows where her heart has been and probably wasn’t expecting much from the members. A couple of ladies attended. I didn’t! I’m sorry for her loss and I wish her well but felt no need to be there. And didn’t feel guilty about it either. My partner in crime called me while I was on the road heading home from an eye doctor appointment to remind me that the funeral was today. She feels the same way as I do because this individual told her “I can handle these ladies!” … an indication that she aspires to run for higher office someday. Well, that will never happen on my watch.
Have you ever wondered why the devil seems to always crop up in places of worship?
I know I’m being bad but couldn’t help myself. I just don’t feel anything for her. I know I have to mend my ways but right now I am relishing in my non-compliance. 😫
Have any of you ever felt like you wanted to strangle somebody, or you just don’t like a person because of bad vibes and bad energy? What did you do about it? I really would like to know.
I apologize for going on a rant today. It is cloudy and gray outside, and it is matching my mood.
Shirley Harris-Slaughter 
Shirley,
Thanks for sharing this piece!
I call those types “Mean People.” Seems, they are never satisfied with themselves, others, or life. Unfortunately, we can’t change them. Until she’s willing to transform her behavior not much a person can do. Creator certainly has his hands full with her.
Yes, I think you have a great approach to handling the situation . .. letting it go, writing about it, and talking about it. And not entertaining the “craziness” adds to the cure!
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I’m glad to have you here adding to the conversation. Thank Nina!
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My pleasure. You have some interesting and educational stories to share
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Hi Shirley, Donna Atwood here. As far as I can tell, there is always one person in every group who, for whatever reason, seems to feel the need to cause trouble. I’m sorry for this lady’s loss but I certainly understand your position in not wanting to be there for her. Maybe one day, she’ll wake up and see the err of her ways. By the way, I tend to do the same same thing you’ve done. I never wish people any harm, but that doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to spend time with the difficult ones.
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Amen to that Donna.
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Shirley, that woman is an overgrown “mean girl” and I agree that she is “crazy.” I think you should forgive yourself for any thoughts you have, they sound warranted! And a plan of avoidance sounds like the wisest course of action. Once you feel those angry feelings, though, try picturing a dark smoke just leaving your body as you release the thought, and let your heart feel lighter for YOU!! She is not worth any stress on your part. An old boss of mine used to say, “some people get ulcers, some give ulcers.” Don’t let her give one to you!!
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Maura Beth, I promise, I won’t.
Thanks for your solutions.
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Shirley,
I wrote you a very long comment. I hope it went through. If it did, please delete this comment. If it didn’t go through, please let me know.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat
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Pat I have been alerted that there is a problem on my website. I am in touch with wordpress because I have no idea what it is or how to fix it. They keep making too many changes with wordpress.
I’ll let you know as soon as I know. Thank you for alerting me to this problem.
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Hi, Shirley. It’s okay to rant when you’re among friends. That person doesn’t just push the wrong buttons, she takes advantage of people and should be kicked out of your worthy organization. When Jesus said we’re to turn the other cheek, I picture us turning our face away from the evil and ignoring the blows until it gets tired of the game (as John described). You don’t need people like that in your life, and you certainly don’t need to feel any guilt for not attending the funeral.
As a side note, after my divorce I knew I had to forgive my ex, even though everything in me fought against it. I couldn’t do it, so I asked God to forgive him through me. He did, and now years later, I have no trace of the pain or rancor of that time left. Forgiving the ones who hurt you is something that benefits YOU. You’re not condoning their behavior. You’re setting yourself free.
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Patty, I do appreciate every word you are saying.
I have a solution and hoping it works.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and solutions.
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Hi, Shirley! I’m glad you got that stress off of you by sharing it with us. Thankfully, our community embraced you with empathy and even shared comparable situations. We’ve all been there and it’s a helpless, senseless experience. You don’t want to quit because what you’re doing is right and honest and sincere, but it seems her purpose is to drain you and drag you down. She is crazy! Keep her at arm’s length if you can. Reach out to others in your church who may be able to help get rid of her since she’s not doing any of the required work.
As far as resolutions, I don’t have the distance to keep them either. For the first time this year I’ve chosen a word that I’m going to use to guide my purpose. I’ll talk about how I chose it later this week in one of my blog posts.
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I didn’t think about crazy but it’s a fitting description for her. She definitely sucks the air out of a room. I’m hoping she eventually quits.
Your comments made me laugh. 😂
I think by the end of this day I’m going to feel better.
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Susanne you are so brave and good. I don’t think I would have stayed there that long. God Bless You. You would understand clearly what I was experiencing.
Thank you for sharing your story.
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I am an empath and pick up on people’s energy quite often. I’ve gotten better at recognizing it for what it is, and I’m listening to my sixth sense more often. There was a time in my life when I gravitated toward that bad energy because of where I was emotionally, but thankfully, those times are behind me, and I focus on surrounding myself with people who exude love and light. This woman obviously does not share love and light with you, so it makes sense that you want nothing to do with her. You must be true to yourself, and part of that truth is the compassion and caring I know you have for others. Right now, you are ranting, and I get that. When you have a moment to pause, reflect on the teachings of your church and consider pushing through your feelings about her and focusing on the path YOU want to follow. 😉
On another note, I don’t make resolutions, either. I set intentions. I feel that intentions are something I strive for, something I can set and work toward without setting myself up for failure. Every day is a new day to work toward being better than the day before. 🙂
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Yvette I appreciate your words of wisdom. I’m grateful that you get me; that this is a rant. But getting rid of bad energy is a solution.
We shall see.
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Hey Shirley! Like Karl, I spent 50 years in management; 35 dealing with unions. Nothing against them, but when I worked for a major Ford supplier, the union officials I worked with DID NOT want to work. Our contract allowed them to investigate and act upon their findings during company time (they all convened in the air-conditioned cafeteria). It also required that I leave the floor and meet with them in an office to work through the issue. There were many times that I had to bite my tongue and on occasion, left the meeting so I didn’t erupt. Issues were so trivial and in many cases unwarranted. Once, two of them had me cornered in an office and continued to intimidate me and blocked the exit so I couldn’t leave. They were truly hoping that I’d push one or both out of the way. Then it would have been me that got fired. I just sat back down and smiled at them until they got tired of the game. Of course, over the years, my blood pressure suffered and I began eating anti-acids regularly. So how does this impact your issue? As the bible says, “turn the other cheek.” Tune her out and keep smiling. She’s playing a game and soon will quit when she doesn’t get any more attention. She’s not worth the grief, worry, and disruption. Good luck, gal!
ps There was a study once that 90% of people will agree with you and saddle up. The other 10% will cause disruption and disagree with you. No matter what. It’s like reviews, don’t dwell on that person that gave you one-star when tons of others loved your work.
Okay, I’m off to tend the bar!
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I love your solutions. In a work situation you do have to suck it up.
I actually exploded on her at a zoom meeting because she pushed my button. Now I just don’t talk to her and hope she goes away.
Thank you John.
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Shirley, masking tape comes in various colors now and can match any wardrobe. Use it to cover your buttons so they can’t be pushed. A few people have told me that I wear my emotions on my sleeve…therefore, exposing the buttons to all.
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Shirley, having worked in corporate America for many years, I have encountered too many overly arrogant people. Frankly, they aren’t that intelligent either. In some companies (and churches apparently), bluster counts as brains. I understand your anger, but at some point, you just have to let it go (if you can). That’s my two cents anyway.
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Karl, the first step toward letting it go is writing it down on paper or talking about it or both which is what I am doing. It’s therapeutic for my spiritual and mental well-being.
I feel better today.
Thank you for some good advice.
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I understand your feelings. My mother-in-law made my life a living hell. She spoke badly about me to my husband and her family. I tried to fit in with my husband’s family, but she ensured I didn’t. She even wrote a nasty letter to me after we got engaged, saying I wasn’t good enough for him. I should have run away from this family, but I didn’t. I’m too loyal and stayed married, enduring years of abuse from them. So, when she died, I didn’t feel anything except relief. We can’t help what we think. And if you went to this person’s funeral, you would have had to wear a fake face. Is that any better? I don’t think so. You are a good person and would never be two-faced.
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Thanks for your comments, Susanne. You have been through a lot yourself. Don’t feel guilty for wanting relief. At this point you deserve it.
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