JANUARY 4, 2023
This is Day 3 and its the first time in a long time that hubby and I got up within a couple of hours of each other. I usually have the whole morning to myself. I’m not an early riser and get up between 8:30 to 9:30 am most days. If I’m working on a book or some project, morning time is when I carve out time to do it.
Langston and I do everything together. It is the trait most admired by my mother (may she rest in peace). He won her over because of how attentive and caring he was to me. She used to worry about me all the time and now she could turn that worry over to Lank (nickname for Langston).
We’ve had some ups and downs through our journey. One of the downs is my stepdaughter. We are not getting along at all these days. Unfortunately, my son is no longer speaking to her and hasn’t for years. I am very disappointed that this is where we are. Lank had one weakness. He didn’t raise his daughter because he felt she’s with her mother. How could a child live in another state and wreak so much havoc on a family her father married into?
One way was to stay close to her dad, cousins, aunts and uncles who live here and become a loose cannon during her yearly summer visits when she was growing up. That’s enough time to poison the waters, and that is what she tried to do.
Lank has a daughter; I have a son. There is no ours! I believe Langela was always jealous that we had her father. Him not raising her added to her anxiety. Clyde tried his best to be a good stepbrother and that worked for a while. His last attempt to visit her ended in disaster. It was a few days before we found out what happened.
When he arrived by greyhound, in Indianapolis, Indiana, there was no one to pick him up. He sat in that bus terminal for six hours. Six hours! Do you hear me? Langie was supposed to have arranged for her family to get him, but she didn’t. His mistake was not communicating with Langie’s mother. Now don’t tell me that at 14 years old you don’t know how to tell your mother that you are expecting your brother. I went ballistic when I found out what she had done. All Lank had to say was “The two of you can work it out.” I was beside myself with anger.
Clyde said that was just one of several issues that led him to cut ties with her. He does not yell, and he does not scream. She was doing both and that was the last time he spoke to her. Tragically, it has been many years, and nothing has changed.
The straw that broke the camel’s back for me began this way. Covid 19 has changed a lot of folks’ habits. I don’t have people over much anymore. Langie decided she wanted to come up and surprise her dad for his birthday, July 3rd. I was reluctant because he doesn’t like surprises. He really doesn’t. She started planning it and brought me in on the secret. My mind told me this would not be good. She was bringing her entire family: husband, 4 children, and their babies. There was no vaccine for babies at the time of this planning in 2022. A new surge of deaths was reported on the news channel. I texted her to ask that she bring proof of vaccinations. I knew what she was going to do next before she did it, so I went to Lank with her plans telling him she would be calling him shortly. And true to my words, she did. She betrayed my trust telling him of her plans so she could come and not have to deal with me. He didn’t let her come because, like I said, he doesn’t like surprises.
She was livid with me for spoiling her plans. She didn’t blame him for anything, but the truth is, Langston hardly ever visits her, never willingly has he had her to our home, nothing. They just have a phone call kind of relationship. I always thought that was odd. I was caught up in their drama. It’s easier to take her anger out on me than be mad with him.
Suddenly, a niece in the family passes away unexpectedly. Langela arranged to come with her family. I wasn’t aware she was still angry with me, so I texted her and invited her to stay with us if she didn’t have anywhere else to go. That was September 30, 2022. She stated she did. It was very curt. The covid virus was a little under control and most people had vaccines so I wasn’t as wary, although they would still have to wear masks.
She arrived a day before the funeral and stopped at our place. Body language speaks louder than words and she was behaving weirdly. At the funeral she and her daughter went all out to avoid speaking to me with grins on their faces denoting they were up to something. Their behavior was so disrespectful. What was so sad about all of this was I could see the bewilderment in her youngest daughter’s eyes. And that’s where I draw the line. Our children are not our property. They are given to us for a short spell, and it is up to us to do God’s will and raise them the right way.
Again, Langston said he didn’t see it, so he did nothing about it. I was upset and after a few days, I packed up a few things and spent a couple of nights at my best friend’s home. Although she was a gracious host, I didn’t want to wear out my welcome, so I stayed Sunday night, Monday night and went home Tuesday. Lank had been texting me to come back home. “We could work it out” he said.
But we didn’t. The problem is not resolved, and I no longer speak to my stepdaughter. Lank never solves problems. He lets them fester. So, what do you do? I don’t think he’s such a great father. I never got to see the drama from a man’s perspective and was caught off guard.
Right now, Clyde has no relationship with his stepsister, and I have no relationship with my stepdaughter. Lank still talks to her on the phone, but it seems less frequently. He’s never been a real father to her, so she pretty much did as she pleased her whole life. She loved it that way but really, she didn’t as her actions dictated. I feel she is acting out even though she is now an overgrown woman. Bringing a child into this world and thinking you are not obligated to teach that child right from wrong because you don’t have custody is wrong and I told him so on many occasions. She came up for the summer, but her mother’s people kept her. When I married Lank, I said to him, “Why not bring her to our home since we should be raising our children?” That was not to be, and I was so disappointed in him. I should have known there would be trouble down the road. In truth, I did and was not surprised when she turned up with her first pregnancy out of wedlock.
When she was little there was always the collect phone calls. I didn’t mind. She was a child. But after she grew up it’s more like she is stalking him sometimes. It seemed like she has to prove that he loves her or something. He, of course, doesn’t see anything.
I told him that those phone calls trigger me now.
This is an ongoing story that’s on my mind constantly, and that is why I chose to write about it today. Talk to you tomorrow!