Sunday, JANUARY 22, 2023 @ 6:05 PM ET
DAY 21
20 DAYS OF BLOGGING!
Twenty-One days of straight blogging. I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime what with all that has been going on since I started this journal. I say a lifetime because I said farewell to my best friend and now, I’m dealing with my sister’s ordeal.
I woke up to snow falling at a steady pace. It took half the day for it to let up and then my snow removal service came by to plow it. I didn’t go to Mass, and I didn’t visit my sister. I really don’t want to go unless my niece, her daughter is going to be there. Because she is in intensive care, I feel like I would be in the way just hanging around. Only two of us are allowed at a time so, it’s better to check before going. Carol has been giving us an update so that’s a big help.
Still, I feel a little guilty. I’m not cut out to visit someone that sick. Thank God for the nurses and their assistants because they seemed so caring while attending to Joyce. I was really so impressed and thankful for them. I admire anyone who chooses that profession and really like what they are doing; because I’m not your guy.
I remember when my baby brother was hospitalized years ago. He suffered with schizophrenia from childhood along with his identical twin brother. He started internally hemorrhaging and they couldn’t figure out why. My mother and I went to see him. Surrounding his bed were bags of blood. I almost fainted and had to be helped out of the room and a fan was pointed in my direction, and doors opened to let in fresh air until I could recover. I couldn’t handle it and barely able to handle any kind of suffering to this day.
I ended up suffering with panic attacks when my first marriage failed, landed in the hospital and put on valiums.
When my mother became ill, it was all I could do to take care of her. I did it, but it took a toll on me and when she passed, it took a few years for me to recover from the experience. I was not going to allow her to be taken to a nursing home. So, she came home to die. I took care of her until the end.
I’m there if needed, but it’s not something I like doing.
I will leave you to ponder these thoughts. Share your comments on this subject please.
Shirley Slaughter
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Shirley Harris-Slaughter 
When my mother was in a nursing home for a few years, we visited her a few times a month. I had to wait for my husband to drive me since it was far. Seeing her and the other residents took a lot out of me emotionally, and I came home drained. Later on, she spent time in one hospital after another. Hospitals have always horrified me. Once I asked my husband to talk to her since he always sat there reading his paper. He got angry and said he’ll leave me there since he was doing me a favor. I had a panic attack, thinking of spending the night there. Other visitors stayed over, but the thought of it terrified me. I didn’t answer him. It would have started an argument, and I should have realized, even before that, it was the end of my marriage.
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Susanne, my heart goes out to you. I know you have a lot to say and if you have a post(s) about it, I will find it. I’m working my way slowly through all the days that I missed. Take care of yourself.
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Hi, Shirley,
The main thing is that you did what you thought you couldn’t do. You took care of your mother until she passed over. I took care of my mother also until she passed over. I spoke at her homegoing ceremony. And if I had to do it again, I would. You showed real love to your mother, and I am proud of you.
Shalom aleichem
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Pat, us daughters are caretakers by default. We will always take care of our mothers.
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Shirley, the fact that you forged through your fears and reactions to care for your mother and others says a lot about your character. You are strong when you need to be and give of yourself. But sometimes you need to step back to “regroup.” I’m glad you gave yourself that chance for a day. Hope you feel refreshed!
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I do, MauraBeth!
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Hi Shirley–It’s snowing at a steady pace here as well. We haven’t had much snow this year. This is only the second snowstorm we’ve had this year. It’s unusual for upstate New York. We’re far from Buffalo, but we normally have much more snow than this. It’s beautiful but it’s annoying in many ways. Our Monday night tennis is cancelled.
You do so much for so many people. If you have to consider yourself and your needs when someone’s in the hospital, you should. I guess we all have our issues. I couldn’t be a nurse, either, but seeing blood in a hospital doesn’t bother me. My husband is a retired physician and I don’t know how he was able to do what he did. Guess it might have had something to do with what he did in Vietnam in 1970-71. My sister is a nurse but she had to retire recently because a patient attacked her and slammed her against a wall when he was coming out of anesthesia. She suffered from a concussion and lost hearing in one of her ears. The job of nursing has many potential dangers not involving blood. She’s eleven-and-a-half-years younger than I am.
Hang in there. Take care of YOU.
Wanda
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Shirley, you are no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself first. Listen to your body and your heart. You are staying updated, and you know your sister is being cared for. Release the guilt; it serves to do nothing but drain you. You are loving and kind and giving, and your sister knows how much you love her.
Yvette M Calleiro 🙂
http://yvettemcalleiro.blogspot.com
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You are right Yvette. I need to remember to take care of me and my husband. Hearing another take helps me to keep things in perspective.
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Shirley, you are a shining example of courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but plowing ahead and doing it even when you’re afraid. Taking care of your mother took a great deal of courage. I’m glad the snow gave you a reprieve today, and you’re right. Nurses are absolute heroes. Praying for you, for your sister and the rest of your family, and that she will fully recover quickly.
Blessings,
Patty
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Patty, I am so appreciative of your comments. I’m always beating myself over the head trying to be perfect. I do have my moments of hesitation. Being with Victor and his family took a lot out of me but I had to be there for them. I know how good I felt when I received the same comfort in my hour of need.
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